Temporarily Not A Christian

As someone who was born and raised Catholic and lived in the foreign mission field, it’s quite a big deal to take a step back and say “I don’t want to be religious. I’m done with Christianity”.   Friends and family are shocked and become worried about your immortal soul when you say stuff like that.

But this is what I’m doing.  I’m joining the ranks of many who have become dissatisfied and disillusioned with Christianity (I include Catholicism in this).   I’m tired of the legalism, the dont’s, the squabbling sects, the ”holier-than-thou”. The “this is the only way to go to Heaven”.  I’m emotionally burned out by the guilt and by never feeling good enough.  So I’m done.

But I’m not done with Jesus and I’m not done with the ideal. I just don’t know where to find it anymore. I don’t know where I fit.

Right now I’m rereading an old favorite of mine “The Irresistible Revolution” by Shane Claiborne.  And again I find my head saying “Are there really people who still believe this way?”, my heart aches and I think “This. I might actually want this.”  And I then I go to the Bible, I read the Matthew and I think, “Yes. This is true.”  But where do I go from here?   That’s what I’m trying to figure out now.  So please bear with me as I struggle, and learn, as I make mistakes and do wrong things. As I try to find out who God is and what he wants of me.

This might come as a shock or a surprise to you, it might not.  You might want to argue with me, you might want to tell me why your church is right, that’s fine.  I probably won’t listen, for the most part I’m tired of listening to Christians, save for a select few.  I’m not trying to be rude, I’m trying to be honest.  Pray for my soul if it makes you feel better. 😉

So I’ve left Christianity (and Catholicism) but I haven’t left Jesus. And if he’s as powerful as we all think he is, then he will lead me somewhere good.


  1. Maybe you’re only disillusioned with institutional Christianity… I’m a Christian but am not part of any “denomination” if that helps. All the infighting etc. breaks my heart… And I feel like a relationship with Jesus and believing/reading the Bible and trying to do what it says, not what others say it says, is really what Christianity boils down to, anyway, and some lose sight of that with the different denominations and such. Not that I’m qualified to speak about it. 😛 Anyways, I hope you will find the right way, whatever it may be for you! *prayers and hugs*

    • I am disillusioned with the Christianity most Christians practice. Not just the denominations and churches. But the people and what they say is their religion.
      When you say that do you mean you don’t go to church? Just curious, lol. I’m not sure I understand what you mean. 🙂
      And there’s the tricky part. Now all I have to do is figure out what a relationship with him means, and what does the Bible really say? Or is it all just a big fraud? Rhetorical questions I guess.

      Thanks. 🙂

      • Sometimes we have “home church” with other families or just with my own family, but no, I don’t “go” to church regularly in the sense most people say it. 🙂 The “church”, as spoken of in the letters and such, used to mean the PEOPLE, not a building. *shrug* But I don’t like discussing deep stuff like this because I’m not that great at explaining things I think and I really don’t want to offend anyone, and I don’t judge other people because it’s not like I know all the answers either, so it just gets confusing. I believe the Bible is real, and I feel like if I didn’t know Jesus my life would be rather empty and lonely. 😛 But I’m sure that you will find your way if you search for it! 🙂

  2. Struggling, learning, making mistakes, doing wrong things – that’s what the walk with Jesus is all about. There’s nothing wrong with taking a step back and reevaluating your relationship with Christ. Ask questions. Study. Read the Bible. Pray. Be a “Berean” 🙂 it’s good to make sure you’re following the truth and not just what people say. I’ve been there. I am 100% positive that Jesus is the only way, and that He is the same yesterday, today, and forever, and that if you are truly seeking Him with your whole heart, that you WILL find Him, and that you will find him to be trustworthy, true, loving, and full of grace. And he will be enough and he will never let you down, whether you find a church full of believers to walk with or not.

    I also know that people will never be enough. Eventually, they will always let you down. Christians are just sinners saved by grace. We’re all just struggling, learning, making mistakes, doing wrong things, right along with you. So as you ask for grace for yourself as you ponder these weighty things, perhaps be willing to extend a little of it to others, as well.

    • Jesus sounds good, but the rules of Christianity are another thing.
      I understand that people will let me down, won’t be enough, that they struggle and make mistakes the same as I do. But my point is that Christianity has great ideals and very few people live up to them, so does that makes the ideals valid? I don’t know. And on top of that everyone has a different idea on what qualifies as the right way. Everyone has a different translation and meaning of the Bible and what Jesus says.

      • I’m curious what you believe the “rules” of Christianity to be. The whole point of Christianity is that we are incapable of “living up to” God’s standards. We need a Savior. The only person who ever kept the whole Law and lived up to all the standards was Jesus himself, and he allowed himself to be killed so we wouldn’t have to bear the punishment we deserve. This side of heaven, we won’t ever live up to the ideal. Only through the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives can we even start on the journey towards living up to that ideal – but the journey doesn’t end, and we are not perfected, until Heaven.

        These are good questions, Abi.

  3. Hi Abigail! Are you up for multiple choice? 🙂 I’m wondering…When you say, “Christianity’s rules of morality and marriage, homosexuality, etc.,” are you referring to A) the “rules” Scripture seems to lay down — and that is uncomfortable to you, because God has what you are calling “rules”? Like, don’t murder, don’t gossip, and yes, don’t fornicate. B) interpretations of God’s Words by man that seem to become “rules” once you are inside the church — interpretations that can be very confusing because every church sees them differently — something like, you have to dress up to go to church or Christians don’t watch rated R movies. If you are up for a game of philosophy, I’m wondering what is most bothering you…legalism (our tendency toward finding formulas to live out our lives) and boundaries (when we’re told no and we don’t like that and we feel guilty when we fail). I always applaud honest seeking, questioning, probing, thinking – so kudos for that!!!! But keeping an eye the pulse of my own heart is pretty important, too, because I don’t always see accurately. It can be a good thing to ask — What is your heart doing right now? Is it leaning toward bitterness and therefore wants revenge or distance so as to not be hurt or disappointed again? Or is it leaning toward shame because of past failure? One last thought, and I’d LOVE to hear your thoughts, too — this Jesus that you love, loves Christians, those who bear his name, those who have been translated from darkness to light, those who become members of His church — a body of people who are identified by his love. This Jesus loves the imperfect (yes!) and legalistic (yep that too) church and is returning for her, his beautiful bride. By the way, we’ll be beautiful because of HIM. I hope you don’t thinking I am asking you to halt your thinking session — I just want to ask you to define some terms, peer honestly at your own heart, and look even more passionately into His Words.

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