As someone who was born and raised Catholic and lived in the foreign mission field, it’s quite a big deal to take a step back and say “I don’t want to be religious. I’m done with Christianity”. Friends and family are shocked and become worried about your immortal soul when you say stuff like that.
But this is what I’m doing. I’m joining the ranks of many who have become dissatisfied and disillusioned with Christianity (I include Catholicism in this). I’m tired of the legalism, the dont’s, the squabbling sects, the ”holier-than-thou”. The “this is the only way to go to Heaven”. I’m emotionally burned out by the guilt and by never feeling good enough. So I’m done.
But I’m not done with Jesus and I’m not done with the ideal. I just don’t know where to find it anymore. I don’t know where I fit.
Right now I’m rereading an old favorite of mine “The Irresistible Revolution” by Shane Claiborne. And again I find my head saying “Are there really people who still believe this way?”, my heart aches and I think “This. I might actually want this.” And I then I go to the Bible, I read the Matthew and I think, “Yes. This is true.” But where do I go from here? That’s what I’m trying to figure out now. So please bear with me as I struggle, and learn, as I make mistakes and do wrong things. As I try to find out who God is and what he wants of me.
This might come as a shock or a surprise to you, it might not. You might want to argue with me, you might want to tell me why your church is right, that’s fine. I probably won’t listen, for the most part I’m tired of listening to Christians, save for a select few. I’m not trying to be rude, I’m trying to be honest. Pray for my soul if it makes you feel better. 😉
So I’ve left Christianity (and Catholicism) but I haven’t left Jesus. And if he’s as powerful as we all think he is, then he will lead me somewhere good.