Stop

Disclaimer: In April I wrote this post about my feelings on religion, since then lots of people have talked to me and I’ve talked to people. Some of them have been great to talk too, some of them not so much.  And so I just want to say this post is not aimed at anyone in particular.  This is me being open and honest, and being real. Please don’t be offended. Please think twice before you comment. And thank you for taking the time to read this.

stop for a moment and listen
like really
listen to me
put down your questions
your right answers
and your textbook theology
now hear me out.

i understand you want to help
i know you care for me
but this
this what you’re doing
it’s not helping
it’s not caring
for me.

you come at me with all these verses
with these answers
these testimonies
without asking what I’ve been up to
without saying “hi Abi, how have you been doing?”
there’s no friendly conversation of we used to know each other
no
it’s straight to what you think is wrong.

i’m here stuck under this microscope
i’m not just the child of someone you know
i’m not just the person you worked with
i’m not just a number for your heaven
i’m a person
a real person
living person
breathing person
full of happiness and sorrow, a person
full of feelings, a person
and yes i make mistakes but still a person.

if you don’t have time to say hello
i don’t have time to talk with you about my personal life
and again i know you mean well
i know you don’t mean harm
but that doesn’t mean you aren’t
harming me.

my life is not a debate for you
it’s not something to dissect or assess
my life is mine
and it’s personal
my feelings are real
and they can get hurt
and they do
get hurt
and i need fixing
but who says that fixer needs to be you?

when you waltz right in with your bandaids
ready to help
without first asking what the problem is
it’s dismissive
it’s pretentious
now i’m sorry if you’re worried
i’m sorry that my problems bother you
i wish my problems didn’t seem to affect so many
but just wait
just let me have my space
let me take a breath
remember it’s not about you being right.

so next time you want to say something
next time you assume
stop yourself
before hitting that send button
stop and think
“have I even said hello?”

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9 Comments

  1. I hope you can find some people who will listen. Unfortunately sometimes even questioning beliefs can feel like an attack, and then those people might not want to listen, even if you’re not being confrontational. This is why I am not out to my family about being an atheist. I think I’m afraid they won’t listen and will be too concerned about my “soul.”

  2. Pingback: Let’s All Listen | Rambling Writer

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