Today I watched a video on youtube that really put into words what I’ve been thinking and dealing with lately. So I thought I would talk about it a little bit before I threw this poem out into the world. I’ve mentioned before on here that my Myers Brigg personality type is INFP. This means I’m a very introverted, feeling and perceptive person. When I have feelings on something I feel it very strongly. Which is sometimes hard to deal with, and my mood swings can be extreme, most often going from elation to depression easily. As a kid growing up I was angry a lot, which often led to me saying horrible things to my family. As I got older I began to see and feel the effects of lashing out in anger. My relationships with my siblings got rocky, my mother and I fought a lot, and I began to see that this was something I did not like, so anger became an emotion I tried really really hard to repress.
Recently I’ve been feeling frustrated again, yes even angry. And I was upset at myself for it; anger is after all a bad thing right? This means I should try not to feel anger right?
Well no. The lesson I’ve been learning over the past few months is this: feelings are not bad or good. Feelings can make you happy or unhappy or make you do good or bad things. But in and of themselves feelings are not bad. In fact repressing feelings and not dealing with them is a bad thing.
It’s been a hard lesson to learn, and not a fun thing. But I’m learning that I feel things and I need to be able to feel all my emotions in order to process. This means I also get to work on self-control, and that I get to learn how to process feelings without letting them take control of myself. My biggest tool for processing feelings is writing. Getting out my feelings on to a page where I can look at them and understand them is a big big help. That all said, here’s one of the poems I’ve written recently. It’s an angry poem, and it’s probably going to piss some people off. But I felt like I needed to share it and talk about all of this. Thanks for bearing with me. 🙂
Content Warning: Strong Language is used throughout.
Yes I’m a woman
and yes I’m here to rant
because yes, I am angry
I’m angry because no one listens to anyone these days
not just the women
not just the gays
we don’t listen to each other
the only people who get heard are the assholes with the money and power
I’m angry because I see people every day wasting their lives
i’m furious with this generation
that sits around and works at walmart
thinking that living for themselves is enough
I’m angry with the church and it’s fucking patriarchy
i’m tired of being bullied
i’m pissed because they keep trying to put in a box ‘’for my own good’’
and think that they can just get away with it
I’m angry that I’m seen as less than
or seen as an emotion because i’m fed up
i hate it that my feelings and opinions and logic isn’t taken seriously
when men around me can say what they want and no one questions a thing
I’m angry because being classified as an angry feminist is a bad thing
because look no one takes me seriously if i’m not angry
no one gives a shit about what a feminist has to say
unless she pushes buttons and then she’s just labeled ‘’angry’’
like she doesn’t have the right to be pissed
I’m angry at slut shaming and fat shaming
i’m furious that we can’t just all get along
and i don’t know what else to do
but just be so fucking mad.