I found this tweet today and wanted to share it because I related to it so much and it also got me thinking about writing a blog post about my life with anxiety and depression. So this is a bit of a different topic today but I hope y’all don’t mind. 🙂
I started feeling from a very young age, as young as 9 or 10 that there was something wrong with me. That I was very possibly insane. My brain made me do silly things, things that other people didn’t do. I knew that patterns helped me remember things, but also that I could get stuck in patterns. I knew something wasn’t okay. As I grew older I realized I had anxiety (and depression but that’s another story) and this is just a little bit of what my life looks like. I would like to note before I continue that not every day is my anxiety this bad, I go through ups and downs. 🙂
Life with my anxiety looks like me walking down the streets repeating to myself “Nobody’s watching you, nobody cares, you’re just another person.” Just so that I don’t panic and freeze up.
Life with my anxiety looks like celebrating little things. Like being able to order at a restaurant, looking at the waiter in the face and smiling like a normal person. Or being happy when I can talk to the person setting up my piercing appointment without crying or having a panic attack.
Life with my anxiety looks like needing my husband to tell me “Yes you did lock the door.” “Yes you did put the cats away.” And if he didn’t see me, being patient with me as I go to double check. It can also look like him helping me relax and try to trust my brain that says “You’re pretty sure you locked the door, it’s going to be fine.”
Life with my anxiety is not being able to sleep at night.
Life with my anxiety is not having a regular period because my stress levels.
For me, coming to terms with my anxiety has been me acknowledging what’s wrong and then looking for ways to make it better.
My anxiety and general strangeness has never been diagnosed by a doctor. Someday I think it should be but I can’t afford going to doctors at the moment. Meanwhile this is my life and I’m learning how to cope as best as I can.
I’m so thankful to have a husband who cares for me so well and puts up with me. I’m so thankful for my mom and aunt who are always looking for ways to help me with natural remedies.