Lots of thoughts concerning my anxiety and general weirdness have been floating around in my head lately. Yesterday I watched a video on youtuber in which the vlogger was talking about her experience with anxiety and something called depersonalization disorder. The way she described things sounded similar to something I’ve experienced in the past so I decided to look it up.
Depersonalization disorder is marked by periods of feeling disconnected or detached from one’s body and thoughts (depersonalization). The disorder is sometimes described as feeling like you are observing yourself from outside your body or like being in a dream. However, people with this disorder do not lose contact with reality; they realize that things are not as they appear. An episode of depersonalization can last anywhere from a few minutes to many years.
This is quoted from Web MD.
The first time I experienced something like this was November of 2013. I was able to go about my day, interact with people but the whole time it felt like I was going crazy because nothing felt real. It was like I was watching from outside my body. Or like I was seeing everything from this other place, like the eye of a storm or something. It was really scary and I didn’t know how to explain it to people or even how to talk about it. I was 18 and just barely out of my parent’s house and knew practically nothing about mental health.
I experienced it a second time maybe a year later. In all it happened three or four times to me. Thankfully I haven’t experienced it again in almost a year. And even though I haven’t had a professional tell me that I was experiencing depersonalization, it’s nice to know that it could have been this. Like…it wasn’t just all in my head I was going through something real and I needed help.
Tomorrow I’m going to see a counseling center and get evaluated by them. It probably be a 2 hour session and hopefully after that I will be getting some help. I’m nervous, as I always am when leaving the house to go somewhere new. But I think this will be really good for me.