Goodreads Synopsis: Polyamory is not always easy. With multiple partners often come more complex relationships to navigate. This practical guide looks at the common causes of polyamorous breakups, identifies strategies to avoid ending relationships, and provides you with the toolkit to survive a breakup. Kathy Labriola uses real life examples and expert insight as a counselor and nurse. From how to handle jealousy to the practicalities of managing money and time with multiple partners, this book includes tips and insights from the polyamory community. It is inevitable that some relationships will end in a breakup. This book helps you maintain friendships and minimize the impact of a breakup on the rest of your polycule and wider community. Unlike traditional breakup guides, Labriola’s book offers insight specific to the polyamory community and addresses the unique challenges that come with multiple partners.
A couple of weeks before my last breakup I put this book on hold at my local library, at the time it was purely out of curiosity. I’d heard about the book and because I’d never read any book on breakups from a polyamours viewpoint I decided to give it a try. Little did I know that when it eventually got to me I would be dealing with the devastating aftermath of a six year relationship ending. Sometimes books just come into your life at the right time.
The Polyamory Breakup Book starts off talking about common reasons all people breakup, monogamous or not. Which I found so reaffirming. Like Labriola says, a good amount of non-monogamous breakups have little to do with the actual non-monogamy and rather to do with what she calls “the 7 usual suspects”. These are things like money, sexual incompatibility, general incompatibility or addictions. Gently and with so much wisdom Labriola tackles all of these suspects and helps to shed understanding on why breakups happen. Later in the book she goes through the other reasons people breakup that are related to non-monogamy.
There is so much to like about this book. From the fact that she includes all types of polyamorous relationships, to how to prevent breakups and how to work on communication to just creating a guideline to processes a breakup. And overall I found it very helpful. This was just one of the many tools I used when I started to really look at my life and relationships and ask myself what really made me happy.
I have to add here my one complaint with the book, which was Labriola’s use of the shortened “poly” when talking about polyamory. Some of you might know, others might not. But the term “poly” was first used by people of Polynesian decent, but has since been used a lot by the polyamorous community. However in recent years the community has become aware that they co-opted the word and have been trying to raise awareness and change the term to “polyam” or “polya” so as to distinguish our two communities. It’s my understanding that Labriola’s book was published in 2019, and therefore she should be aware of the need to use other abbreviations than the one she chose. It was disappointing to see someone with so much experience be oblivious or unaware of this issue.
That said I still recommend this book to my fellow polyamours readers and I gave the book four stars on Goodreads.