Breakups & Polyamory

The dissolution of my six year marriage was not something that I foresaw coming nor was I prepared for. For the past two years he and I had been in a relationship with another person, so when she and I broke up I knew that things between he and I were going to change. I knew I was going to have to give him time to process, as well as process things myself. But he and I had always been together, we’d dated off and on in high school, and been friends even before that in middle school. His constancy in my life seemed like a given. But as the weeks went on and the communication became harder, I felt a shift in our dynamic. To make it all more confusing I had started a new relationship just six months earlier. We were in a new space and neither of knew what the future held or how to navigate what was happening. And so over a few months our relationship ended. I moved out before the holidays, we tried therapy and then agreed to just be friends.

People often have a lot of questions about polyamory, and at some point the difficulty of maintaining more than one relationship at a time comes up. Time management and communication can definitly be a challenge, but the difficulty of grieving and walking through a breakup (or two!) at the same time as reveling in the joy of a new relationship was something I wasn’t prepared for. Being so incredibly sad and so wonderfully happy at the same time is a mind-fuck. And I have to say, I think I have the most patient and kind boyfriend in the world for being there with me through it all; giving me space to process, comforting me when I cried, and being so good at taking care of me when all the emotions felt overwhelming. He always gave me the support and space I needed to processes my ending relationship.

It’s confusing to miss someone’s hands while falling in love another person’s lips.

There are so many conflicting feelings about missing watching tv shows with someone, and at the same time learning to love new hobbies with someone new.

You miss the person you knew inside and out, but also get to explore the newness of this other person.

It’s hard to describe the ups and downs and I don’t write all of this to complain. I love being non-monogamous, and I don’t regret my relationship choices. I guess I’m just writing this all to get it out of my head. Relationships come and go, some stay but a lot don’t and that’s something I always knew and accepted, but never knew the reality of until now.

So here’s to the six wonderful years I had. And here’s to the years ahead of me.


  1. Love how you put this: “It’s confusing to miss someone’s hands while falling in love another person’s lips.” It sounds like a really tough transition. Your strength to move through it is inspiring!

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