I’m officially in count down the days mode, even though I know I shouldn’t because first time births are usually ”late”. I just can’t help myself I’m getting more and more excited and nervous, and it feels crazy to me that where once I was just 26 days pregnant, now I only have 26 days left. Nesting has been kicking in hard this week, since I have the week off from work. Unfortunately there’s only so many times I can reorganize our room, so I feel like I’m going to go a bit batty this week.
My partner Dani and I had four therapy sessions over the last month. Which was really helpful for us. Our counselor talked about expectations for parenthood, bonding with baby and each other, and just walked us through our hopes and fears. I’ve realized the thing I fear the most right now is the postpartum time. I’m scared about healing after the birth, scared of not bonding with the baby, scared of postpartum depression. There’s a lot of unknowns looming in my mind, and unknowns are the worst for a person with anxiety. The therapist kept telling me that I can’t prepare for everything, and somewhere inside my mind I know that, but I don’t quite believe it entirely.
This whole year has been a year of me letting go of my need to prepare for everything, because life has been unpredictable in a series of new and crazy ways. I had my life planned out with other partners, and those relationships ended. I got pregnant and moved across the country. It’s been a lot and thankfully I’ve had the coping skills to move through everything without breaking down or becoming overly anxious.
But my anxiety is definitly flaring up again, and though I’m trying to take life one day at a time, it’s hard not to get in my head. Any tips or thoughts on how to get through the next four weeks, postpartum or anything else related, are apricated.
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