Today marks one week of David’s life outside of my body. The week has simultaneously flown by and been one of the longest of my life. We had planned a homebirth with a midwife, but after laboring from Friday evening to Sunday evening, being unable to keep food down and getting barely any rest, we transferred to a hospital with the hopes of getting an epidural. I was denied an epidural, but that ended up being okay as we later learned Davey’s head was sideways in the birth canal and had his umbilical cord wrapped around his neck twice. There is no doubt in my mind I needed help to get him out. Exhausted and unable to push anymore I was given a C-section and at 9 pm David finally made his entrance. I plan on writing up the entire birth story eventually, but the memories are hazy and I’m having to write it little bits at a time. We had to stay several days in the hospital because of the C-section, but also because David had jaundice pretty badly and needed to be under the lights for 24 hours. This was difficult for me as I was sleep deprived, trying to start breastfeeding and bond with my newborn. The 24 hours he was gone from me were some of the worst of my life, even though I was able to see and bottle feed him every 3 hours until the night. That night I had to go home and rest because I still hadn’t caught up on sleep from my 30+ hour labor.
Thursday we were all finally home together.
Life feels so wonderful and hectic and quiet all at the same time, like nothing has changed and everything has changed. I can’t describe what’s its like right now. I think postpartum hormones are part of why I feel this way. I’ve felt my anxiety go up a lot in the last nine months, and it’s definitly gone up since David’s birth. But thankfully I have the support of my amazing partner and wonderful family. My sisters and brother are more than happy to take the baby for a bit when needed and Dani is always there to listen and take care of me. He and I take such good care of each other, it really astounds me sometimes to think about how wonderful my life is.
These days I’m focusing on the good things, happy memories, taking in every second of my newborn son, and keeping my anxiety low. 9 months ago I never could have guessed that I would have had such a beautiful son.