Sometimes It’s Hard For Me To Speak – A Poem

i’ve just got back from a weekend camping trip. it was was great but now i’m tired. i just can’t stop staring at my documents in google drive, wanting to put words on them but not remembering how.


my friends are all wonderful, encouraging, adorable people. i wish i could write poems for all of them, something that summarizes my gratefulness to them for putting up with me. i wish i could say what’s on my mind without falling back to writing them out on paper and never showing anyone.

sometimes it’s hard for me to speak.

today, i’m going to see my family. it’s been months since last we were together. but i am tired and i wish i wasn’t.  i wish i had hoards of energy just waiting below my surface. i wish had handfuls of joy that i could pop into my mouth and become another, happier person. i feel i owe it to you to always be on my best behavior.

my family are wonderful people, encouraging, helpful people. i wish i could write more poems for them, something that tells them how much i love them. how much i truly, truly am grateful that anyone puts up with me. something that doesn’t feel like a copout, just a truth.

sometimes it’s hard for me to speak.

tonight, i’ll fall into bed. maybe i’ll feel like this time i said everything right. i wasn’t stupid, i didn’t say any of the wrong things. i’ll feel like i’ve said all that i wanted to, didn’t leave anything out for fear of offending someone. maybe, tonight, i’ll feel like speaking words is easier than writing them.

or maybe, tonight, it won’t matter. maybe i’ll just try to keep speaking, but mostly just listen. maybe i’ll stop faulting myself. and, for once maybe everything will just be okay.

 

Newest Project – Maybe Not Her

Now that I have two projects about to be birthed, my mind has been wandering to all that I can do in the future.  Thus came about my third poetry collection.

Maybe Not Her.

This collections is primarily going to be a work of love poetry. It will explore relationships, the feelings of love and loss and betrayal. I’m actually really excited for this collection. I think it will be one of my best yet.  And I’m excited to share more about it after I publish A Mad Woman’s Voice. 

Song For A Funeral – By Abigail Pearson

Song For A Funeral

 

I know the song that I’ll play at your funeral

I heard it on my walk home today

It had the sounds of a simple guitar

The sort of thing I could play if I tried

But the words summed up everything I felt about you

The humdrum, the everyday, the sight of your hair askew in the morning

The nights of making love, the words we wrote together, the hands we held. 

 

We’ve been together for two years

And yesterday we went to my grandmother’s funeral

I wonder

Did you think of my death when we first fell in love?

I know I thought of your face

And what it would look like in forty years

Maybe it’s not romantic to say

But…

 

It’s hard to think of you growing old

Of your eyesight going – maybe I’ll make fun of you for that like I make fun of you now

Of your hands becoming soft and wrinkled – and I’ll play with the veins

Like I did to my parent’s older friends when I was a kid

Will you still touch me with those hands?

It’s hard to think of living on after you

Promise me

That you’ll let me go first.