Sometimes It’s Hard For Me To Speak – A Poem

i’ve just got back from a weekend camping trip. it was was great but now i’m tired. i just can’t stop staring at my documents in google drive, wanting to put words on them but not remembering how.


my friends are all wonderful, encouraging, adorable people. i wish i could write poems for all of them, something that summarizes my gratefulness to them for putting up with me. i wish i could say what’s on my mind without falling back to writing them out on paper and never showing anyone.

sometimes it’s hard for me to speak.

today, i’m going to see my family. it’s been months since last we were together. but i am tired and i wish i wasn’t.  i wish i had hoards of energy just waiting below my surface. i wish had handfuls of joy that i could pop into my mouth and become another, happier person. i feel i owe it to you to always be on my best behavior.

my family are wonderful people, encouraging, helpful people. i wish i could write more poems for them, something that tells them how much i love them. how much i truly, truly am grateful that anyone puts up with me. something that doesn’t feel like a copout, just a truth.

sometimes it’s hard for me to speak.

tonight, i’ll fall into bed. maybe i’ll feel like this time i said everything right. i wasn’t stupid, i didn’t say any of the wrong things. i’ll feel like i’ve said all that i wanted to, didn’t leave anything out for fear of offending someone. maybe, tonight, i’ll feel like speaking words is easier than writing them.

or maybe, tonight, it won’t matter. maybe i’ll just try to keep speaking, but mostly just listen. maybe i’ll stop faulting myself. and, for once maybe everything will just be okay.

 

Advertisements

August Goals

Life: I don’t usually do these goals first but this month is going to be a bit different for me. Tomorrow Grant and I will be flying out to see my family for 9 days! I’m super excited about this trip but it will make writing/reading and blogging a bit difficult. And then once I get back Grant and I will be moving!  Because of these events I’m not really going to worry about getting a whole bunch done.  I’m going to have fun with my family and focus on them first. 🙂

Reading: I was behind on my reading goal by 11 books and it was overwhelming me so much I decided to lower my goal for now. I’m now trying to read 180 books for the year. Still with the tiny hope that I will go over that goal.

Writing: This month I’d like to do something a bit different. Instead of focusing just on writing stories or poetry, I’m going to focus on building a writing group. I would like to get together a group of friends who read each other’s writing and encourage each other. Thankfully I have a few sisters and friends who’ve already expressed interest in something like this.

What are your goals for August?

Back

image

I’ve sort of taken an impromptu break from blogging because family has been in the area.  It’s been really lovely actually.  Not really worrying about deadlines or blogging or reviewing. I’ve had my siblings spending the night at my house every day this past week. It’s been really lovely.  I’m really going to miss them when they’re gone.

So this was just a post explaining why I was gone without a word.  I’ll be back to posting soon. I have some reviews in my drafts that I need to publish.
Hope you all are having a great week!

My Family

This post is a confession.  Last week I did a terrible job at my writing goal for this month.  So this post is to help start the week of right, I started a timer when I began this post. 😉

As some of you may know, and some of you may not know, I am the oldest of 11 children.  The second oldest is 18 and the youngest will be born in July.   Yes that does make a total of 12 of us.  No they’re not Mormon, or Quiverfull Protestants, but Catholic.

My dad, Uncle and baby sister at my wedding.

10850227_10205374649755387_3638057009139211247_n

My dad and mum. 

10882092_10205384973293469_3667714494792392219_n

 

The youngest boy of the family.  All the pictures are from my wedding. 🙂

 

 

10868016_10205374689156372_8961339474633477901_n

 

 

 

Four more of my sisters, rag curlers in their hair before the wedding. 🙂 

 

10885371_10205374689196373_4273807877703349876_n

My mom and another sister.  Yes, we’re mostly girls in my family. Only two boys. 

10625119_10205374646155297_5439487857327951154_n

 

And here he is, the other boy, the one wearing the white shirt. There is 10 years in between my brothers. 

10868021_10205374650115396_3650915894524020584_n

 

The third oldest, and a happy little cousin. 

 

10378164_10205375061685685_8501161440310052366_n

 

And the second oldest, who actually has a blog here: https://missionarywriterforhim.wordpress.com/

 

10888803_10203654447497055_2939858676408728087_n

 

So there you go, a little bit about me, my family and some pictures.  And a I didn’t quite make 15 minutes.  Thanks for sticking around peeps!