Sometimes It’s Hard For Me To Speak – A Poem

i’ve just got back from a weekend camping trip. it was was great but now i’m tired. i just can’t stop staring at my documents in google drive, wanting to put words on them but not remembering how.


my friends are all wonderful, encouraging, adorable people. i wish i could write poems for all of them, something that summarizes my gratefulness to them for putting up with me. i wish i could say what’s on my mind without falling back to writing them out on paper and never showing anyone.

sometimes it’s hard for me to speak.

today, i’m going to see my family. it’s been months since last we were together. but i am tired and i wish i wasn’t.  i wish i had hoards of energy just waiting below my surface. i wish had handfuls of joy that i could pop into my mouth and become another, happier person. i feel i owe it to you to always be on my best behavior.

my family are wonderful people, encouraging, helpful people. i wish i could write more poems for them, something that tells them how much i love them. how much i truly, truly am grateful that anyone puts up with me. something that doesn’t feel like a copout, just a truth.

sometimes it’s hard for me to speak.

tonight, i’ll fall into bed. maybe i’ll feel like this time i said everything right. i wasn’t stupid, i didn’t say any of the wrong things. i’ll feel like i’ve said all that i wanted to, didn’t leave anything out for fear of offending someone. maybe, tonight, i’ll feel like speaking words is easier than writing them.

or maybe, tonight, it won’t matter. maybe i’ll just try to keep speaking, but mostly just listen. maybe i’ll stop faulting myself. and, for once maybe everything will just be okay.

 

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